sorrow is our master, cackling with laughter

(no subject)
Today involves:

- Green smoothie of epic proportions 
- Cleaning the condo, and putting away some remaining books, dvds and clothes
- Having MY DOG AGAIN <3
- Actually baking potatoes the proper way
- Sitting on the veranda with said dog reading Lovecraft <3

After busting my ass working for five days in a row, this pseudoweekend is amazing.
And I just have to work friday, and then we have the weekend to spend in Tampa and Gainesville at Ren faires. 

All is right in the world. 


Within me, there will always be a struggle. 
Not always, but every now and then my eating disordered thoughts come back. 
Hounding me for eating anything that isn’t “clean”, filling my head with vile images when I eat. 

My ED is half OCD. 

The only reason I don’t submit to it entirely, the reason I struggle is my hair. 
When I was very young and thin and sick, my hair started to fall out. 
There are still thin spots. Years later.

The only reason it doesn’t win is that my hair isn’t long enough yet.

It’s kind of scary. What happens when it is?

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(no subject)
Henna days are my favorite days <3 
There's something so wonderful in it, the scent of it, knowing how incredibly healthy it is for my hair. 
Knowing it's been used for literally thousands of years nearly in the exact same way I use it... 
I don't believe in magic, but I do believe that if you believe in something long enough, life is altered because of that belief. 
... V thinks he is the reincarnation of Napoleon when he is sick, and he is sick a lot. 
Now, even when he is well, he is interested in history, and speaks better French... 
Belief in something, real or imagined, can alter your life. 
Especially if you can justify your belief by sayin other umans have believed the same thing, for a very long time.

... I genuinely believe that some of my patients would not be ill, or at least would not be as plagued as they are, if religion did not exist ... 

But that argument is for another day.

Today is henna day. 
Arabic music and chai mate tea, with Faulkner twisting my thoughts, and baking and cooking dinner for Boyfriend. 
... Also, the claws need a new installation... 

Scratch that, today is pampering day.  

Today was:
- dropping off the security deposit and pet fee at the condo
- packing up my clothes and the remainder of nonsense at my old house 
- reading for lit class <3 <3 <3

Did ALL OF THIS in a corset. 
Boyfriend just received his massive amount of spices. I helped him make cute labels for the jars. 
... With my tea beautifully organized in glass jars, and his spices, we're cute. 

(no subject)

Literature class started last night. <3
I adore school, and I will always always want to further my education.
But lit is something else entirely.
Our professor is hilarious, witty and sarcastic and hates glittery vampires as much as I do.
Our assigned reading also includes four Neil Gaiman pieces. And Doyle. Which I have already read. Eee.
I cannot convey in words how excited I am for this.

I move all of my stuff on Sunday and decorate my new room.

Boyfriend attained the transfer he wanted in his company, so he'll be less miserable at work soon.

Huzzah to the fullest.

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I dreamt that the world was draped in white.
Glittering, shimmering blankets of cold.

Thick, thick snow and ice.
It could have been... I think it was supposed to be your fathers house.
One of the few times that I was up there, it snowed all week.

I fell asleep in the midst of a panic attack.
But in the dream, all was cool and calm and still.
So the opposite of what goes on in my head during the dark times.

You joked that a recruiter from Boston had called you.
I can't leave until I've got my doctorate. It's not possible.
But as soon as that piece of paper is in my hands...
Cold big cities and seasons...

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New Years Commitments.

In the spirit of the new year, I am commencing a collection of new goals and commitments for myself to strive towards. Instead of calling them resolutions, which seems to inspire a sort of attitude that embodies something I despise (the idea that simply thinking on these goals will bring them forth instead of actually taking action towards achieving them), I am calling my goals instead Commitments. Ideally this phrase will reinforce the fact that all of these goals need effort, time and energy to achieve. Wishes, my dears, are for children

1 Read 100 books this year. Given the length of the average book, the math works out to be about 40 pages per day in reading material. I plan to alternate heavier, dryer reads with more easy, fun reads as to not discourage myself

2 Begin and Maintain Tight-Lacing/Waist Training. My corset from Isabella’s corsetry should arrive very shortly, and after the given week of breaking it in, I plan to begin my waist training. I have no real goal in terms of numbers; I am beginning at natural 24” inch waist and my corset is 20”. The absolute smallest I can ever imagine tight-lacing to would be an 18”, if I ever reach that. On that thread&hellip

3 Become a successful corset maker. Due to my highly imaginative and in some cases bizarre ideas for clothes and corsets, I’ve decided to learn how to make these items myself. Specifically in the area of corsetry, learning to make corsets will save me hundreds if not thousands of dollars, especially considering how bizarre some of the ideas I’d like to bring forth are. I am going to begin by creating a replica of the corset that will arrive shortly using bishonenrancher’s painter’s tape technique, and once I’ve created a few of those, move on to drafting my own custom victorian era corset. My goal for the year is to successfully craft my idea for a Lady Sheogorath corset, which will prove challenging indeed..

4 Begin my studies for my next degree. I’ve two semesters left to finish on prerequisites, and then in fall I’ll be able to begin working on the final degree I need before my Doctoral. So exciting! I want to maintain straight A’s in my prereqs andMUST n my bachelors level studies… no excuses

5 Reach solid tailbone length. Though this is somewhat out of my control due to genetics, given my average hair growth per month is 1/2”, and as long as I maintain that and take proper care of my hair, I should finally be at tailbone length in the coming year. :

(no subject)
Gleeful lady elf in this moment. 

Yesterday DID turn out to be fantastic, though work was rough...
I got some lovely presents from my family. Money from the far away ones, which I ordered Japanese clothing with. 
My AWESOME adagio adjustable tea brewer, with a filter in the spout so I can actually brew my tea within. 
Lots of lovely little things. One which is probably one of the least expensive, but owns my heart already... 

Whoever Fights Monster which was written by a man who worked for 20 years in the BAU. 
Our work isn't the same, but we have a lot of the same feelings about it. 
It soothes a little ache. 

Now I ordered $50 of tea that was all RIDICULOUSLY CHEAP from teavana. 
if they discontinue any of these teas I am going to cry my eyes out

Big ugly boots are sold, and old school books, to be shipped today. 
I love getting unused things out of my house in exchange for money. <3

Now, tea, shipping and cleaning the apartment to The Smiths. 

(no subject)
Selling some of my gently used/unworn clothes pre-move. Right now I've just rummaged through my skirt drawer, but I will update periodically and add more. Next is shoes. : ) 


(no subject)

I bought a giant ornate mirror today.
This is kind of a big deal.
I've wanted a huge golden mirror forever, and now it's finally mine.
I still want another long black framed one.
But I'm excited to have this as part of our living room.
I also bought bath mats in brocade and a shower curtain... Since we're going to have separate bathrooms.

This is all so exciting : )

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